It has been an interesting week to see what has been out there concerning Gary Lamb and Revolution church. I want to thank many of you for the notes and calls of support and prayer that I have received this week, it is greatly appreciated. Also, I continue to be available for those who continue to contact me for answers and support through personal email.
Tonight I want to repost an excerpt from a blog I posted some time ago regarding abusive church situations. In addition, my husband’s blog has some information on abusive church tendencies.
I encourage all of you who were saved or blessed by this church to remember WHO gave you salvation and opened your hearts to the truth. It was Christ ALONE. It was not the work of Gary Lamb. It was God's spirit bringing those who are searching home. You listened to God's voice and followed it. Your salvation is real, even if the one who stood before you has fallen. I pray that during this time, you will seek the Lord your God with all your heart. My pain from the experiences at Ridgestone truly brought me to a place of brokenness, and now I realize how desperately I need Christ more than any leader. I was broken and humbled that I allowed any leader to be placed on a pedestal. That was the worship of man in my heart. That, in itself, was evil.
God, please help us all, we are blind and weak, and desperately need you as Savior.
Uncovering Churches
that Abuse People
| 1. Does a member’s personality generally become stronger, happier, more confident as a result of contact with the group? In an abusive church, the use of guilt, fear, and intimidation to control members is likely to produce members who have a low self-image, who feel beaten down by legalism, who have been taught that asserting oneself is not spiritual. One of the first disturbing characteristics to be reported by relatives and friends of members of these churches is a noticeable change in personality, usually in a negative direction. (as members/staff members/family of staff, one may be rarely allowed to visit family, have contact with other staff members, or join small groups to make friends -leaders feel disconnected and alone) |
| 2. Do members of the group seek to strengthen their family commitments? Nearly all unhealthy churches attempt to minimize the commitments of their members to their family, especially parents. Young people may be told that they now have a new “spiritual” family, complete with leaders who will “re-parent” them. Church loyalty is seen as paramount, and family commitments are discouraged or viewed as impediments to spiritual advancement. (particularly during the holidays, it may seem imperative that not one day of work can be missed, and schedules can be very rigid, even lunch hours must be run by the lead pastor. Pastor's wives working outside the home may be frowned upon, as it discourages full commitment from the husband who is on staff if he has to take care of the children and miss any work time) |
| 3. Does the group encourage independent thinking and the development of discernment skills? Control-oriented leaders attempt to dictate what members think, although the process is so spiritualized that members usually do not realize what is going on. A pastor or leader is viewed as God’s mouth piece, and in varying degrees a member’s decision making and ability to think for oneself are swallowed up by the group. Pressure to conform and low tolerence for questioning make it difficult to be truly discerning. (members and staff may be criticized for not dressing like the others , speaking the right "lingo", and ideas may not be considered valid unless the lead pastor likes it and makes it his own. If the other staff wives are not fully involved and committed in the church, or miss a service, this may be seen as "disrespecting" the lead pastor) |
| 4. Does the group allow for individual differences of belief and behaviour, particularly on issues of secondary importance? A legalistic emphasis on keeping rules and a focus on the need to stay within prescribed boundaries is always present in unhealthy spiritual envionments. Lifestyle rigidity in such groups increase a member’s guilt feelings and contributes to spiritual bondage. This rigidity is often coupled with an emphasis on beliefs that would not receive great attention in mainstream evangelicalism. (cell phones/pagers are highly encouraged to be on at all times, in case the lead pastor needs a staff member at a moment's notice. New technology, such as twitter, may be used subversively as a way to control the staff and know where they are at and what they are doing at all times. While privacy and boundaries are expected to be maintained by the lead pastor, this rule usually does not apply to the staff. ) |
| 5. Does the group encourage high moral standards both among members and between members and non members? In intense, legalistic churches and religious organizations, the official, public proclamations usually place special value on high moral standards. In some instances, there is a double standard between those in leadershp and those in the rank and file membership. Abusive churches tend to have incidents of sexual misconduct more often than most conventonal churches; leaders sometimes exhibit an obsessive interest in matters relating to sex. (If the lead pastor continually talks about sex during staff meetings, interactions with the members, and in sermons, there is a high likelihood that the pastor is struggling with addiction in this area) |
| 6. Does the group’s leadership invite dialogue, advice and evaluation from outside its immediate circle? Authoritarian pastors are usually threatened by any outside expression of diverse opinions, whether from inside or outside the group. When outside speakers are given access to the pulpit, they are carefully selected to minimize any threat to the leadership’s agenda. Coercive pastors are fiercely independent and do not function well in a structure of accountability. For the sake of public relations, they may boast that they are accountable to a board of some sort, when in actuality the board is composed of “yes-men” who do not question the leader’s authority. (leaders may be replaced when they disagree with the lead pastor, and the church leaders may not be directly involved with any day to day operation of the church, they may even consist of outside parties who cannot truly see what is going on in the inside, this is yet another way to keep complete control over the church and minimize disagreements over character, policies, or budgets. Another red flag may be when outside advice and evaluations are given, the lead pastors may openly criticize the person giving the advice, and may even resort to personal attacks to reestablish control) |
| 7. Does the group allow for development in theological beliefs? Another hallmark of an authoritarian church is its intolerance of any belief system different from its own. They tend to measure and evaluate all forms of Christian spirituality according to their own carefully prescribed system, adopting an “us-versus-them” mentality. (Leaders continue on in an us vs. them mentality. This may be exhibited by bragging about being the best church in town. Numbers (such as salvation and attendance, etc.) are exclusively used to support this argument. Derogatory remarks about other churches are made in the guise of poking fun but it is really another method of control. Any idea that does not reflect their current trend may be considered "churchy", "ineffective", or "stupid." They may go as far as to state they actually "hate" other churches and Christians.) |
| 8. Are group members encouraged to ask hard questions of any kind? A cardinal rule of abusive systems is “Don’t ask questions, don’t make waves.” A healthy pastor welcomes even tough questions. In an unhealthy church disagreement with the pastor is considered to be disloyalty and is tantamount to disobeying God. People who repeatedly question the system are labelled “rebellious”, “unteachable”, or “disharmonious to the body of Christ”. Persistent questioners may face sanctions of some kind such as being publicly ridiculed, shunned, shamed, humiliated, or disfellowshiped. (carefully evaluate the track record of those who left, particularly if it was an abrupt resignation-did the congregation, or other staff, or staff wives , make any personal contact with this staff member, or was there an "unwritten" code that anyone who has contact with the person leaving would face consequences?) |
| 9. Do members appreciate truth wherever it is found even if it is outside their group? Whether they admit it or not, abusive churches tend to view themselves as spiritually superior to other Christian groups. This religious elitism allows little room for outside influences. There can be no compromise with external sources, who, the leadership will say, really don’t understand what is going on in the ministry anyway. |
| 10. Is the group honest in dealing with nonmembers, especially as it tries to win them to the group? Sometimes abusive groups illustrate a “split-level religion”. There is one level for public presentation and another for the inner circle of membership. The former is a carefully crafted public relations effort, the latter a reality level experienced only by the “true believers”. Recruitment tactics are usually intense, even if they are not actually deceptive or fraudulent, they can be manipulative or exploitive. Sometimes high pressure religious groups are evasive about there true identity: “We really don’t have a name, we’re just Christians.” A healthy Christian group should have no qualms about revealing who it is and what its intentions are. (is the church taking extreme measures to market the service or serve the community?) |
| 11. Does the group foster relationships and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? First impressions are not always correct. Sustained contact with an unhealthy church, however, will usually reveal a pattern that is consistent with the characteristics we have identified. Members will be requested to serve, to become involved, to sign up for a variety of activities that, upon closer inspection, appear to maintain the system and serve the needs of the leadership. Abusive churches thrive on tactics that promote dependency. Emphasizing obedience and submission to leaders, these churches often require a level of service that is overwhelming to members, resulting in emotional turmoil and spiritual breakdowns. (24/7, day and night, staff members may be asked to work, to complete exhaustion, and taking a break or vacation may be viewed as very unspiritual, and may be spoken of as a lack of complete devotion to the church or to Christ.) For more resources, you may want to check out Wendy Duncan's book, called "I can't hear God anymore, life in a Dallas cult" There are also two other books written by Larry Crabb that I have truly enjoyed and have given me perspective as I grappled with my relationship with Christ after this abuse. They are titled Shattered Dreams and Real Church, both by Larry Crabb. Thank you for reading, good night. |
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