Busy Vs. Useful

It has been a long long time since I've blogged. But I think it would be good to update everyone on a few events in my life. Since I have blogged last, I have moved to a new home (with lots more room), been laid off from my job, found my birth father after 33 years, and discovered we will be having a new addition to our family this August. I have been busy!!!
There is so much to write about in the above life changes, I can't even begin. But I will start with today. I need to get this out there, because this is how I am feeling, and writing gives me so much clarity.
Truthfully, all of the life changes I have been experiencing have given me so much joy, except for the loss of my job. It was more than a job, it was my ministry. It was not used to prove something for God as before, it was a true overflow of everything I was for Him. I can't tell you the joy I received giving comfort and pouring my life out as a drink offering for Christ as I invested in women and their children. To look someone in the eye and tell them Christ was with them, always, even in their scariest moments. It was the greatest year of my life.I was useful.
Now, I am busy. I folded the laundry. I put away the dishes. I got dressed and got my daughter dressed. I sent my oldest to school and my husband to work. I had coffee. I watched a little of the news. I talked to my dad. John came home for lunch and I made him a sandwich. This afternoon I am going to the grocery store and will go take a meal to a friend who just had a baby. Tonight I have rehearsal for a Christmas program. Yes, I am busy. But there is an ache deeper than staying busy. I could certainly do this the rest of my life. I know that my significance is not in what I do, it is in who I am in Christ. But what do you do when you know, deep down, that you are not doing what you are created to be doing, but you have no idea how to get to that place again? What then?
This is my cry to my Abba, Father, whom I am learning to trust above all others. I have an ache in my heart, I ask that you fill it. With who YOU are, so I can become who I AM supposed to be. Everything else is just busy. And life is too short to waste time doing anything but what we are created to be and do.
I wish I was given a flashing neon sign as to what direction to even begin to proceed. Waiting is so difficult. I am not sure I even know HOW to wait.It is so much easier to stay busy than to wait and become useful.