It seems that lately I have been discovering dysfunctional patterns in my extended family's past that I have allowed to drain me, take the very life out of my soul. I look at others seemingly perfect family background and I wonder "why me?" Why did I have to be born to teenage parents, totally unprepared to raise a child? Why did I have to experience deep abandonment at such a young age. Why do others, who never experienced these things, struggle with similar issues that I do? And on other levels, when it came to a life of ministry, I look back and say, "why did it have to go this way?" Why couldn't we have gone into "ministry" and had a full successful life in it? What kind of loving God would have allowed these things to happen and cause so much pain in my life?
These are tough questions, questions I don't often find the answers to when walking with other believers. You see, if you have the right formula, the right amount of church attendance, and do things the right way, all will go well with your life. Right? Those of us who did not have things go right are left wondering what we did wrong, or why God did not love us enough to prevent this pain.
But I think I have been looking at it all wrong. The truth is, I am a walking miracle. I was never forgotten, or abandoned. That Christ saw me as a little child and brought me out of dysfunction, and continues to deliver me from a life of legalism into a beautiful Father daughter relationship with him is a miracle. To make something beautiful out of heartache is the miracle that happens in my life everyday. To no longer be sitting under oppression and blindly following a spiritually abusive leader is a miracle. For God to show me who I am, instead of dwelling on where I came from, is again, a miracle. I cannot change my past. But I have a bright future. Thank you God.
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