I lost myself in the laundry, and other observations of my life.....

It is June and we are in the middle of summer humidity and storms. Ailey Clare is playing with office paper scraps on the floor. I am listening to rain and thunder outside. And I have a few minutes to write before I pick up my oldest two girls from "twirl" camp. We have made some changes to the flow of our lives over the last few months. I am slowing down my work schedule and we are homeschooling our children in the fall. I am taking some time to invest in myself and my family and really live the journey we are called to. I am walking in active forgiveness and choosing to love the parts of myself and of my extended family that I held in judgement, because I thought they were too unlovely to deal with. I can often be a harsh, critical person, of others and myself. I maintain standards of perfection and then get frustrated when I or others do not live up to them. I measure a good day by the loads of laundry I have completed. I rarely ask myself if I have chosen to live, to love, to do the things I have been created to do, to be what God has called me to be. I live in my checklist, and I consider myself a good person if I complete the tasks assigned. I lost myself in my laundry, my housekeeping, my work, my "activities". I have been desperate to find "me time", but I really don't know what that is. In my meaningless activity I miss relationships and the development of creativity that can truly bring fulfillment in my life and breathe life into someone else. Two weeks ago I received a terrible call. I had an extended family member take his own life. It devastated everyone he was even remotely connected with. This man had so much purpose and he affected so many people, yet he did not realize it. Our individual lives may seem small in our own paradigm, but we create a ripple effect for generations. One life taken too early has left a void that will not be reconciled until Christ makes all things new. Today I am going to make a new "list". Of the things that I love doing, and begin to do them. My words and my life matter to the world. And if I try to be someone I am not created to be, then I have wasted the precious gift of life that was given to me.